


Secret Kisses and Broken Dreams

by wingsofanillyrian



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: ACOTAR - Freeform, ACOWAR, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Modern AU, acomaf, angst part 1, smut part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 17:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsofanillyrian/pseuds/wingsofanillyrian
Summary: Lucien has been pining after Elain for years. They're best friends; he hasn't wanted anything to change that. But when he finally decides to come clean, his world is turned upside down.





	1. Chapter 1

When Rhysand had entered his office earlier that day to tell him to leave early, Lucien was out the door before he could even finish his sentence. Working at The Night Court lawfirm was great and all, but lately their cases had been requiring a lot of extra hours.

He was beyond excited to leave early. He already mapped out his entire evening. He’d eat dinner and watch movies with his best and closest friend, Elain. He hadn’t been able to spend too much time with her lately, but thankfully it was Friday and he knew she’d be off work too.

A glance at the rumbling sky as he walked quickly down the sidewalk told him it would probably start to pour soon. That was fine by him; if it got to be too bad of a storm, he’d have an excuse to stay over at Elain’s.

He decided that tonight was the night. Lucien had been nursing a crush on his best friend for months, and tonight he was finally going to make his feelings known. He’d tell her how her smile made butterflies flit in his stomach, and how she lit up his world each time she smiled. Just thinking about her dimpled cheeks had a smile of his own playing on his lips.

On his way to her apartment, he stopped by her favorite Chinese take-out place and picked up all her favorite dishes. On a whim, he also bought a bouquet of peonies when he passed a floral shop. They reminded him of her, and he knew she’d appreciate them.

His stomach was churning with nerves when he turned the corner and onto her block. He half jogged to her building, checking his reflection in the glass doors before entering. Grinning like a fool, he bounded up the steps.

“You got this,” he mumbled under his breath, straightening his tie. He located the key to her apartment on his keyring, quietly inserting it into the lock with shaking hands. Taking a deep breath, he turned it and pushed open the door.

“Elain, I brought take out-“ Lucien’s grin fell when he walked in. And his heart, which had been pounding with excitement mere moments before, crumbled to pieces in his chest.

The male and Elain broke apart with a gasp. He had her in a lover’s embrace, his arms wrapped securely around her waist and her fingers tangled in his hair. Lucien recognized him almost immediately as Rhysand’s brother, Azriel.

The bag of egg rolls and lo mien fell to the floor, along with the carefully selected peonies. Lucein’s mouth gaped open, stunned to silence. Elain’s eyes were wide, but she too was frozen, like deer in the headlights.

Tonight was supposed to be  _their_ night. The night that he was going to finally confess his feelings for his best friend.

But it would seem she’d made other plans.

“Elain?” He croaked, unable to take his eyes off her as they filled with tears.

“Lucien!“ Elain found her voice and scrambled to her feet. Azriel remained where he was and stared him down; a silent challenge. Lucien glanced away, unable to bear the weight of his hardened gaze.

Elain stopped in front of him, brows knit in concern as she noted the gifts now strewn on the floor. “Are you alright, Luci?”

The fire-haired male flinched at the nickname. “I’m fine.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, shooting her a wobbly smile. He knew she’d see right through it, but he clung that that last shred of stubborn pride.

“I didn’t know you were coming over, I’m sorry.” Elain took another step towards him, hand outstretched as if to cup his cheek. He took a step back and into the hall. He didn’t want to face the pity in her brown eyes a moment longer. Elain knew she’d hurt him and wanted to help, but nothing she could say or do would soothe the jagged hole that burned in his chest.

“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve knocked. I’ll go.”

“Lucien, wait-“

“You two enjoy the flowers and take-out,” he said, softly shutting the door behind him. He didn’t look back when she called his name from the top of the stairs. He didn’t turn to see the tears that stained her freckled cheeks, or the ShadowSinger that stood behind her, ready to provide her comfort.

Instead, he exited the building and walked into the downpour outside. He was numb to the way the rain plastered his hair to his face and the moisture that was seeping into his socks. His eyes were trained on the sidewalk, the gooseflesh on his arms spattered with raindrops and his tears.

One moment replayed in his mind, over and over again. Azriel and Elain-  _his_ love- sitting on her flowery couch, lips locked. His still-beating heart had been ripped from his chest, ground to dust before his very eyes.

Honestly, why was he surprised? Why would Elain want to be with him, with his tragic past and scarred face? After the attack a few years ago, he hadn’t even been able to scrape together enough cash for a  _real_ bionic eye- he was stuck with some stupid fucking metal replacement.

He trudged through the city as the heavens cried, the last tendril of hope he’d been holding vanishing into the night. He’d lost his best friend and the love of his life in a matter of minutes. He lived in a city populated by millions, but he’d never felt so alone.

Lucien didn’t know what hurt worse: knowing that Elain had chosen Azriel, or knowing that he never had a chance at all.


	2. Mended Hearts

By the time Lucien got home, he was soaked to the bone, his suit no doubt ruined. He dripped all the way to the bathroom, where he slung the wet clothes over the shower rod and toweled off. His phone buzzed from the counter, but he ignored it.

It was past midnight when he’d changed and settled in on the couch. His mind was still reeling, and he was so  _tired._ His phone rang again from the bathroom, insistent on cramming his loss down his throat. For it was Elain’s ringtone that floated through the air; a light springtime tune that she’d picked out.

He got up, against his best instincts. He picked up the phone and let it ring until it went to voicemail. As soon as it had finished ringing, it started again, and this time he answered it, but didn’t speak.

“Lucien?” Elain sniffled. “Are you there?”

His eyes slid shut and he clung to the sink. She’d been crying. Her voice was raw and lined with unmistakable hurt. Whatever shreds were left of his heart twisted at the pain he’d undoubtedly caused.

“I’m here.”

“Oh thank the gods-“ she half-laughed, and he imagined her raking a hand through her curly honey-brown hair. “I was so worried you were hurt or something-“

“I am hurt,” he said candidly, “but not physically.”

“Oh.” The line was silent for a moment, only the distant sound of rain pelting the windowpane reaching his ears.

“What you saw… It wasn’t what you think.”

He scoffed. When he’d walked in and saw her snogging Azriel like her life depended on it, her intentions seemed pretty clear. But then again… She wouldn’t be crying if Lucien meant nothing to her.

He toed the edge of the bathmat. “What was it, then?”

“Can you come over? I’ll explain everything.”

“Is  _he_  going to be there?” His stomach sunk, and he frowned in the mirror. He didn’t want to be anywhere near that tattooed brute, not now and not ever.

“Azriel is gone,” she said quietly, and he watched a raindrop trace down the window. Elain was his best friend. He didn’t want to lose her, even if it meant that he never got to be with her the way he wanted. He worried his bottom lip, his mind made up.

“I’ll be there in a little bit.”

**************

Fifteen minutes later, he was standing outside Elain’s door for the second time that fateful night. He’d come empty handed this time, and knocked instead of using his key.

Heaven forbid he be caught off guard again.

The deadbolt clunked as it was flipped, and Elain’s small, round face peeked into the hall. “Hey,” she said, swinging the door open. “Come in.”

She asked if he wanted to take off his coat, and he simply shook his head. Lucien edged past her and into the living room. He couldn’t bear to look at the couch-probably never would be able to-but he didn’t fail to notice the untouched paper containers and vase of bright flowers on the table before it.

“Why’d you keep them?” He jerked his chin at the peonies.

Elain eyed him warily, tugging at his sleeve. “Please take off your coat,” she tried, “Stay awhile.” He relented and shrugged it off, allowing her to hang it up near the door. Each one of her movements was reserved, like she was afraid he’d run off at the slightest provocation.

“It’s my apology,” she said, carefully slipping her warm hand in his. She released a relieved breath when he didn’t shake off her touch. “And my thanks for allowing me to explain myself.”

Lucien stared at their hands joined between them. Her fingers were curled, tightly holding his hand. His own fingers were limp, unable to gather the strength to return her fierce, reassuring squeeze.

“Will you eat with me?”

“Yeah,” he rasped, and she tugged him towards the table. She must have sensed the way he tensed as she steered them towards that damned couch, and instead pointing him towards the armchair. Once he sat, she picked up a few of the containers and a fork for herself, passing Lucien a pair of chopsticks.

He ate silently, and she kept an eye on him as she at cross legged on the floor. And damn him, he couldn’t take his eyes off the skin of her collarbone, exposed when the sleeve of her blouse slid down her shoulder.

“Lucien… Azriel wasn’t here because I have feelings for him.”

Lucien scoffed. Elain winced and picked at her noodles with a frown. “He wasn’t. I would never lie to you, Luci. You know that.”

“I know.” He sighed and sat back in the chair. “But why was he here then, Elain?”

Her brown eyes searched his face, snagging on his scar. He turned his marred cheek away, embarrassed. He should have never come here. It was over between them, she would never be his friend again-

“Because I love you, Lucien.”

His breath caught in his throat. No one-  _no one-_ had ever loved him, not even when he had been whole. And now, the scar that slashed across his face garnered more horrified looks than it did admiring ones.

“That doesn’t make any sense-“

“Yes it does.” She set aside her container of rice and edged closer to him, placing a tentative hand on his knee. “I love you, Lucien Vanserra. And that scared me so much- I didn’t know what to do. I kissed Azriel because I had to be sure. I didn’t want to tell you if I hadn’t been absolutely certain about what I felt for you, but now I know, without a single doubt, that you’re the only one for me.”

Her free hand cupped his cheek, urging him to face her. He did so reluctantly, finding kindness swimming in her gaze, not disgust. Her thumb traced over the raised, jagged lines. “I love you. These don’t make you unlovable, no matter what you think.”

His head was swimming. Fumbling for the hand that rested on his knee, he grasped it tightly. It was his anchor in the sea of his thoughts as he scrambled to form a coherent sentence. “You- you  _love_ me?”

“I do. I have for awhile now, and-“

Utterly overcome with joy, Lucien surged forward and crashed his lips to hers. To Elain’s credit, she didn’t startle, but immediately sunk into him. He cupped her face, tilting her chin up. His tongue brushed over the seam of her mouth, and she parted them.

He didn’t think about how another man had tasted her only a few hours before. No, all thoughts of the night had become resolute, his focus wholly on three little words she’d spoken.

_I love you._

Elain had chosen  _him._ Out of the billions of people on this green earth, she’d picked him to love. And he’d almost lost her due to a stupid misunderstanding.

He would never make that mistake again.

Elain pushed him back and climbed into his lap, one leg on either side of his. He gripped her thighs, her fingers tangling in his hair. Everywhere they touched, his skin burned with excitement. Never in a million years did he think he’d know what it was like to kiss Elain. He knew now though, and he never wanted it to end.

It was Lucien who eventually pulled away, both their chests heaving as they fought for breath. He tucked a stray hair behind her delicate ear and rested his forehead on hers.

“I love you too, Elain. That’s what I came over earlier to tell you.” He traced her wobbling lower lip with the pad of his thumb.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.“ A tear spilled down her cheek. He leaned in to kiss it away. He’d kiss away all her pain, if he had to.

“I know you didn’t. It’s alright now, love, don’t cry.”

She nodded against his shoulder. She sniffled, turning so her nose pressed against his neck. “I’m sorry,” she murmured again, lips grazing his skin. He sucked in a breath, eyelids fluttering shut. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

The words became her mantra as she pressed kisses along his shoulder, pulling the sleeve of his shirt back as she went. He undid the top few buttons, drawing ragged breaths as she continued down his bicep. Once his arm was free of the shirt, she did the same to the other, until she was able to toss the tedious button-down to the floor.

Lucien swallowed hard as her fingers explored the planes of his stomach, treading dangerously close to his waistline. He squeezed her hips in warning, and she detached her lips from his collarbone to look up at him.

“Is this okay? Did I assume too much? I can stop if-“

“Gods no, please don’t stop.” His soul was begging for  _more, more, more-_ craving her touch. Her grin was wicked as she dipped her head to flick her tongue over his pulse point, and he groaned. Spots had formed in his vision by the time she’d undone his belt, sliding it out of the loops. She tossed that aside too, as if it was nothing more than a worthless scrap of leather.

“I want you to touch me too,” she said softly, guiding his hand under her shirt. He splayed it on her stomach, soaking in her warmth. He ached to devour her, inch by delicious inch.

She gasped when his hand found her breast, grazing over it through her bra. “Shirt,” she rasped, holding her arms over her head. He grabbed the hem of the blouse and glanced at her for confirmation. She nodded, and he pulled it over her head.

Rocking back, he gulped at the sight before him. She was every bit the goddess he’d imagined her to be, with her soft curves and skin more kissable than a rose petal. He sat frozen as she reached up to unclasp her nude-colored bra, letting it slide down her arms. A whine escaped him at the sight of her bare breasts, peaked with arousal.

“What?”

“You’re gorgeous,” he breathed, enraptured by the sight of her.

“So are you.” She smiled sheepishly. “Now quit your ogling and take me to bed.”

Lucien’s eyes flashed, a primal growl rumbling in his chest. Securing her legs around his waist, her arms snaked around his neck and he stood. Their chests were pressed flush together, and he hissed at the blissful sensation of skin on skin.

“In the interest of saving time,” she said as he sucked on the sweet spot where her neck met her shoulder, “I’ll just give you permission now to have your way with me.”

If he wasn’t painfully hard before, he was now that he knew he had free reign.

He nearly kicked her bedroom door off its hinges in his haste. He lay her down against the pillows, hovering above her for a moment longer.

“You’re positive?”

Elain’s eyes nearly rolled out of her head. “Yes, I’m certain that I want you-“

He cut her off with his tongue, licking a stripe up the center of her stomach. Finding it’s target, his tongue flicked over her nipple. Her back arched off the bed as he toyed with the waist of her leggings.

“Don’t- don’t tease, Luci.” Her slim fingers tangled in his fiery locks, and he peeked up to find her mouth open in a silent moan. The sight went straight to his throbbing cock, and he rocked his hips against her thigh.

Her eyes snapped open to meet his. “Fuck,” she whispered, grinding against him. He couldn’t take it anymore. He’d planned on being gentle and taking his time- but she was too damn intoxicating. Rolling to the side, he slid her pants down her legs. She kicked them off and pulled him back to her, claiming his lips once more.

“Touch me,” she begged, writhing under him. He nipped at her lower lip, gliding a hand down her stomach and slipping under her panties. He growled at the soaked heat. Her hips ground against him, seeking any sort of friction. He dipped a finger in her- once, twice- before withdrawing his hand.

“What-“

Lucien shushed her by placing the finger coated with her juices to her lips. Her tongue flicked experimentally over them, tasting herself. Her satisfied hum vibrated through him, his cock twitching.

When she was finished, she fumbled with the button of his jeans, and eventually got it undone with a satisfying  _snap._ He hastily pulled them off, along with his boxers. Elain gasped as his member sprung free, unease and excitement warring in her expression.

“Elain, if this is too much we can stop.” She was nearly trembling beneath him- with need or fear, he didn’t know.

“No- I want this. But… Be gentle with me, Luci. Please.”

His eyes of russet and copper softened, and he smiled. “Of course, dove. We can go slow.”

Elain nodded, resting her head against the pillow. She bucked her hips ever so slightly beneath him, and he hooked a finger in the waistband of her underwear. He slowly slipped them off, kissing down her thigh and shin as he did so. The appeal of her dripping sex set him whining, and she tangled her fingers in his sunset hair.

“I’m ready,” she whispered, meeting his gaze. “I want you, Lucien.”

Unable to help himself, he flicked his tongue once over her pearl before gliding up to capture her in a heated kiss. He guided himself to her entrance, teasing her with the tip a few times before pressing himself a few inches inside her.

“Luc!” Her grip on his hair tightened as he waited for her to adjust to his size. She wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her heels into his bottom, urging him to move. Slowly, he sunk in until he was fully seated within her slick depths.

A moan of pure ecstasy escaped him. “Gods, Elain, I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, her nails raking down his back, “now please-“

Her words caught in her throat as he thrust in and out of her at an agonizingly slow pace. He knew he wouldn’t last- not when she was whimpering and swirling her hips like she was. Her body moved in perfect harmony with his own, two halves of the same whole.

He hooked one of her legs over his shoulder. The angle caused him to brush against her knot with each thrust, and her walls clenched around him. Her fingers twisted in the sheets as she came, and he pulled out to spill his seed on her stomach.

Spent, Lucien rolled off and lay at her side. He grabbed the sheet and cleaned off her belly, then kissed her neck. Her smile lit up the room, and the blush that stained her cheeks was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

“I can’t wait to do that more often,” she said, curling against him.

Lucien wrapped an arm around her, tucking her body tight to his. He pressed his lips to her hair and murmured, “Neither can I.”


End file.
